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Family Success: How Do You Define It?
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December 23, 2022
What makes a successful family? It depends on how you define success. No matter how we define it, we all should know success when we see it. Well adjusted adult children, living productive lives that view life critically, ones accompanied by grace seems to be a great definition. As a Catholic man of faith, I would certainly add an understanding of who God is to that definition.
My wife and I have 4 children and 7 grandchildren. I was never that successful in the sense of personal accomplishments. I’m just an average guy. However, I’ve had the privilege of having some great mentors. As a kid I observed and I learned the craft of family dynamics while eating dinner at my grandfathers. I have further developed those skills over the years with my wife.
My most vivid memories were of my grandfather. He continues to cast a ray of light over my life. He was not prosperous but he was merciful and kind. He was gifted at being present as he spoke with you. He lived in the moment, but he was so much more. There were many examples of generosity and mercy that he offered to others. They are too numerous for me to talk about in this short post.
Suffice to say his simple example was so profound it has guided me throughout my life.
When we think about our lives what stands out to us the most? What emotional responses are evoked within? More than likely, our responses center around the people that gave themselves to us, those that gave their time. They are the ones that warm our hearts.
Like many families we have traveled over the years. I remember the sacrifice we made to save enough money to take our kids to Disney. We had such high expectations only to be let down; finding that the kids enjoyed the pools at the resort more than Disney. Like many families we spent money we did not have to give our children experiences that our parents could not afford to give us.
If you were to ask my wife and children what our most memorable family experiences are this is what they would say. They’d recall simple moments where we all gave a moment of time to each other; of campfires in the backyard while listening to the hopes and dreams of family members. They would quickly retell stories of dozens of family vacations where we were all huddled together in the same house. I recall the magic of hunting for crabs with a 4 & 2-year-old each morning when we were camping at the beach for $6.00 a night. Time, moments given. That’s what families remember.
It’s not what we can afford to give to our families that matter. Its how we give of ourselves that will define our families. Its what defines my own.
Good families don’t just happen. They are mentored into existence through encouragement and moments shared together. It's a place of acceptance and freedom to explore without a threat of alienation. Families support each other. Failure is ok, it's inevitable. Our kids, however, need to know that you are there to support them along the way. That support does not end once a child leaves home. Parents have an investment in the success of their kids.
What made Jesus’ ministry so successful? It was his ability to give time. He gave himself. He invested himself in the lives of others. That is the most important gift you can give to your friends and family. So, as you look at your plans over the next year don’t fret at the opportunities that you can’t afford to give to your children or grandchildren. Instead, give them the best gift. The gift of yourself.
Be present.
That’s a gift they will never forget.